By Omar Shamout
To some degree, everyone wants to be a rock star. Seriously, who hasn’t had at least a passing temptation to throw a television out the hotel window because, you know, Led Zeppelin did it? Especially when you’re young, being the wild and crazy party animal among your friends seems like an instant way to gain popularity and adoration. The problem is, not all rock stars have the luck and longevity of Keith Richards, and if you try to emulate his lifestyle, you’ll probably end up dead like John Bonham instead. Or Jimi Hendrix. Or Janis Joplin. Or Kurt Cobain. That’s not to say we all need to live like the Jonas Brothers and abstain completely, but it’s worthwhile to realize that those special nights out are best remembered for the company and camaraderie you shared, rather than forgotten as the result of chemically induced amnesia.
The Opening Act
So you’ve nailed down the perfect outfit, got your new ‘do, and smell like a million bucks. But don’t head out on the town before your body is as finely tuned as Clapton’s Fender® Stratocaster.
- Rest! If you get less than 4 hours of sleep per night, or you’ve been up for 16 hours or more, you’re probably already acting drunk, even before you’ve had a drop of alcohol. This is because not getting enough REM sleep negatively affects your body’s motor functions, blood sugar absorption, and immune system. You’ll be friendlier, wittier, and more sociable with all your friends when you’re rested, and this might come in handy if you’re looking for a new type of friend (or two, if you really want to love like a rock star . . . ).
- Eat well! Van Halen ate M&Ms® (except the brown ones, according to their notorious concert contract rider), Busta Rhymes eats KFC®, and Meat Loaf, circa 1970s, ate pretty much everything under the sun, except his namesake. If you want to eat right, you probably want to follow another direction. Ideally, you should eat healthy meals that include a balance of carbohydrates (from fruits, vegetables, and whole grains), protein (from lean meats and fish, legumes, nuts, soy, and dairy products), and fats (avoiding saturated and trans fats). A solid meal will help stave off the urge for that 1 AM pilgrimage to the taco truck with your less-well-fed friends.
And remember, eating right doesn’t need to be a solo venture. If you really want to seem hip and in the know, bring your friends to the latest trendy, new “foodie” haven before hitting the bars and clubs. That way, you’ll all spend a few hours focused on cuisine instead of cocktails. Know that thrill you get from discovering a new underground band? Well, most people feel the same way about finding a great new restaurant before the masses, so choose wisely and your friends will bestow upon you admiration comparable to what Justin Timberlake receives in a room full of Hollywood starlets.
This is it. The main event. The moment the crowd has been waiting for all night. It’s time to shine, so here’s how to ensure the lighters (or iPhones® with lighter apps) come out, and you walk off stage a legend:
- Dance, dance, dance! We all know that half an hour of cardio per day is an essential component of staying healthy and fit, so combine it with your night out and kill two birds with one stone! Dancing is wonderful exercise, and is sure to work up a sweat. If you’re worried your moves are less Michael Jackson and more Elaine from Seinfeld, why not try joining a group hip-hop class or try out Hip Hop Abs® to learn some funky, fresh moves you can bust out for your friends? (But if you really want to impress them, you should probably never utter the words “funky” and “fresh” in the same sentence.)
- Moderation! If moderation isn’t a scientific law, it really should be, because there’s almost no situation where it doesn’t work. Many rock stars may overdo it with the partying every night, but they have expensive publicists to explain away their stints in rehab as “exhaustion.” To increase your shelf life as a party animal, stay properly hydrated. Every great rock song has a memorable chorus, so when you head out for a night on the town, keep this little ditty on repeat in your head: “Drink, water, drink, water, drink, water.” If it helps, just hum that Chumbawumba “Tubthumping” song and substitute water every other line (i.e., alternate your cocktails with water). You might think that getting drunk early will make you seem cool and fun throughout the night, but in all honesty, you’re only becoming that guy or girl.
- “I’ll have a soda and soda, please.” The great thing about spirits like vodka or gin is that they look like water. So the next time your friends are urging you to catch up or it’s your turn to buy a round, slow things down by sipping on a soda water—just let everybody think it’s liquor. You can even wince when you take a sip if you really want to crank up the illusion that you’re hitting the hard stuff. No one will be the wiser, and you’ll save a pretty penny too! Little-known fact: The original title of Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice” was just “Juice,” but the record label urged him to change it for fear it would lower his “gangsta” cred.
Energy doesn’t come in a can. If you’re looking for “wings,” don’t go for a Red Bull®, just buy a Paul McCartney album. Avoid the temptation to use energy drinks as fuel, because “energy” is a complete misnomer here. The caffeine and sugar hit’ll just leave you jittery and nervous, after which you’ll risk pulling a Lindsay Lohan and crashing hard before the end of the night.
The After Party
It’s the next day, and you’re not sure how to follow up that awesome night you just had. Here are a few suggestions for how to get your groove back:
- Rest! Again! Whaddya know, we’re right back where we started—your own cozy bed. Hopefully, you spent the night with the Captain to your Tennille. (A dated reference, I know, but who doesn’t sing along to “Love Will Keep Us Together”? Admit it.) Anyway, if all went according to plan, you spent the night dancing, romancing, and, well, other things, so now it’s time to rest up. Don’t worry about your workout today, because trust me, you did enough of that last night. If you’re feeling extra sluggish, some light stretching or a leisurely walk should do the trick.
- Recovery! Eminem’s new album is called Recovery, and we don’t think it’s a coincidence. He’s giving you a hint, so take it! Buy some of Beachbody’s own Results and Recovery Formula™. Designed for use after workouts, it will get your body back in tour shape in no time.
There you have it, the official guide to living a Beachbody-certified rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. If you heed our advice, both your body and your mind will remain solid as a rock for quite a while, and you won’t get caught rolling onto the floor.